I just had a wonderful experience.....well, I don't know if it was an "experience". But I experienced it so I guess that counts......I just wanted to write it down so I can refer to it later when I'm having a shitty time...or if I blow my auditions tomorrow. ALWAYS a possibility.
I, as I am wont to do, went for a meander to purchase some beer. As I was walking home from my trip to the bevvie-store, I noticed that the new Capers store, located less than two blocks from my bed-sit, will be opening tomorrow. I am a sucker for the overly-priced groceries, canned curries, bulk sesame snacks, imported chocolate bars, and pretty-smelling, allegedly organic beauty products available there. I'm RIGHT in their demographic, man. Sucker.
Anyhoo.....for some reason this set off a kind of mental chain-reaction. A new addition to my rapidly-becoming 'beloved' neighborhood. Cool.
Umm..not sure how to explain it. It's not REALLY about a yuppie food store. It just set me off thinking about how I love where I'm living right now. Which led to thinking about how much I love HOW I'm living right now.
I know the auditions tomorrow are a contributing factor, especially a call-back. I just thought, while I walked with a large Corona in my hand, about how I used to feel. Hell, one year ago today, I was one unhappy-camper. I thought about how, one year ago today, I was strait-jacketed in a cloud of fear, self-doubt, and yes-the biggie- depression. One year ago today I used to think that that was what life WAS. That maybe there was NO FUCKING WAY out. One year ago today I was lost. I'm not going to bore you, gentle reader, with the WHY, I'm just talking about the WHAT. One year ago today, I still had some more shit to deal with before I changed my life.
Dammit. Look how far I've come.
I've A LOT further to go, but I see that it's possible.
This realization made me cry a block from my house. I felt such pure joy. I want to, must, remember this experience. This feeling.
Walking down the street, clutching my brewski, tears down my face.
I changed my life on Saturday, October 2, 2005. That's my other birthday.
I had help. Friends who saw me through. Who see me through still. Who I love and who love me.
I can feel it.
5 comments:
You go, girl.
Kick all the ass that's in front of you, or just kick the ass you want to kick.
I'm pleased to read how you're doing and proud to say you're my friend.
You're totally high... [grin]
Sometimes, it's just good to be alive, huh? Glad you noticed how far you've come, and no matter what happens tomorrow...
You're driving.
Nice. Congratulations on making your life the way you want it. Many hoorahs coming your way from us out in the Mizzle.
I love having a second birthday. That makes so much sense.
And also, what these other cool people have said.
Love and good...
Thanks, guys. *sob*
I'm SUCH a sap.
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