O.k., what the hell is going on.......?
I'm having another irritable bowel bout. What the poop is THAT about? I really don't think I'm antsy about the shoot tomorrow. It's "silent on camera", which I can do in my sleep. Sit in front of a camera and "behave"? I eat that stuff with a spoon. I plan on pretending I'm being directed by Bergman.
When I look back over my adult life, I can see a pattern of sorts. I used to get hives, but I don't anymore. Then I used to get a debilitating shoulder and neck pain, but that is gone now. All the while, it was interspersed with occasional IBS.
Now, out of the blue, I'm getting it again. Something's going on with me.
This is about unexpression. I dunno how else to put it. This is what my major problem has been. THIS is the pattern that I HAVE to change. I'm suppressing something. This is what used to cause this anxiety-related bullshit, and it's doing it again. I'M doing it again.
Fuck.
Wow, just typing that out caused my intestine to relax in mid-spasm. There's certainly something to this mind/body connection stuff.
Or maybe I'm nuts.
Now I have to figure out what I'm holding back. What part of myself I'm stomping on. Great.
I feel like I'm embarking on the second wave of whatever I started last fall.
Momentum, with the added benefit of searing gut-pain. Well, at least it supplies motivation, because this really hurts.
3 comments:
O.k.....feel a bit better now. This MAY just be caused by the fact I've been low-carbing and that I ate WAY too much salami. And that I've been ignoring some writing that I have to get back too.
Time to pump out some creativity....
Funny you should say that: If you were Freudian, you would relate bowel problems to problems with expression/creativity and authority. The "anal" phase, where a child's power and expression comes through the with-holding or producing poo.
Of course, my experience of German culture suggests that there's an earlier drive to toilet train. So this may be utterly contextual to Freud.
So, when people tell me my music is shit, I can now correct them, and tell them my music is shitTING?
Awesome.
Also, my comment letters authentication was "nukqfux," which I just like saying. "Nuk-Q-Fux!"
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