Uh, dunno what's going on with Blogger. My last post was a reference to the previous post which has now disappeared. Long story short, I was expecting to be paid for a promo-gig via direct deposit. They sent me a cheque instead. I thought it was just a pay-stub and peppered the company with emails and calls looking for pay...blahblah. Nevermind.....
Was treated to martinis and conversation by some fine women Saturday night. Thanks guys. It's a real treat to hang out with women. Especially fine specimens such as yourselves.
I still feel a certain amount of reservation talking about certain things. Fear of judgement? I don't give a shit what people I don't care about think, but I feel like I skirted around certain questions that came up due to concern about what people I DO care about think. Fear of "being judged", or something. That's being a wuss. Keeping my cards close to my chest. So much for being out of the Introvert's Club, hey A? Gimme time........and I'm sure I won't shut up with all of the delicious, sordid detail about everything. Within reason.
1 comment:
I saw that last post with the Direct Deposit woes etc. Weird that they've removed it. Are you sure you hadn't encoded secret messages to overseas enemies in it?
You know, it's interesting. I've been thinking about the fear of being judged thing. Chances are, even your nearest and dearest will judge in some way; that's not paranoia on your behalf. The thing is, people who love you will generally judge with the "Are you happy?" question in the forefront, and be able to take your truth in stride - whether or not it's what they'd do in your situation.
There are certain friends I have who I can be counted on to get all up in my all together if they think I'm hurting myself. Judgement about my choices might be made, but I am loved. Respect for my choices is part of that love - even if they'd choose differently for me.
So don't fear judgement. Really. Those you love you, LOVE YOU. You can relax into that, and know that even if none of us understand or would choose that you ... become a nude skydive artist with an affinity for labial piercing, we'll support you if that's what you want. You will get a couple of questions, however.
It's also never a crime to admit that you're making choices you're not entirely sure of. You don't need to be defensible; these are friends.
OTOH, it's also utterly normal to want a bunch of drunken, chatty harpies to nose the hell out of your life. That's also a totally understandable choice.
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