"Gonna give you every inch of my love....."

Went to Boxercise this eve. Yeah, that's ME who wrote that sentence. Been "working out", you know......
The aerobics-instructor had been on vacation for two weeks. I guess that she didn't work out in all that time, and wanted to make up for it tonight. Bitch! I can barely lift my arms to type. It's a good feeling though. It's been nice to welcome back my inner jock. I was quite athletic as a kid. Dunno where it all went wrong. Probably when I discovered rock & roll and cigarettes. I find myself fantasizing about playing badminton. There are some rackets and birdies(or "shuttlecocks" if you prefer) in my parents basement that I'm going to steal. I'm going to buy some passes at the community centre so I can go on the rowing machine. I love rowing machines! What the hell? Have been experimenting with running. I REALLY have to be in the mood. Overall, I hate it. I need an ipod to distract me from the fact I'm running. But when I am in the mood, it's pretty cool the feel the speed. Kind of an "all systems go" feeling. Huh.

It's funny. I have always found jocks irritating. Probably based on my own shame. So, I'm kinda embarrassed that I exercise. Weird. I'm still cool, though! Really! I still get drunk and stay up too late! And stuff my face with rich food! I still subject vegetarians to painful ridicule!

I think I'm irritated by the fact that the shit that "healthy-exercise" people have been saying for years is true. It DOES help with stress. It DOES clear the mind. After a bout of sweatiness, I DO feel more focussed. All of the useless shit in my brain that I like to get all worked up about becomes, visibly, what it is. Useless shit! I think I'm not used to being happy about stuff. There is really a lot of stuff in my life, right now, that I should really be happy about and thankful for. I'm in a play. I'm gonna be on T.V. (More info later).I have rent for next month. I have weird, funny, creative friends who care about me. The last decade has NOT been a waste! It's contributed to making me who I am, and that ain't too shitty. Even my "dark nights of the soul", as I call them, contribute to clearing the path to what I want. I believe that things that are worth it, things that you WANT, take work, could cause pain, but what the hell! It's balancing the good against the bad. Even the experiences, and people, that can cause frustration and heartache, if something good can come from it, are worth it. Yeah, you can regret the things you've done. But, from my own personal experience, you DO regret the shit you didn't do more. Life takes balls, goddammit!
"Learning experiences". Right now, I feel like I'm un-learning a bunch of stuff....It's good.

I'm glad I wrote that down. I can refer to it next time I have a dark night.....

Have "Whole Lotta Love" on the stereo. Maybe I'm from PoCo, but I regret that I've never "gone too far with a boy" to this song. Or just necked in a Camero with it playing on the car tape-deck. Another thing to add to the to-do list.....